


Caves Don't Have Ramps

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Antagonistic Dave Strider mention, Cave Date, Cute, Multi, Tavros in a Wheelchair, Wheelchair problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 08:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16404821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: “Uh… so where is it exactly that we're going right now?” Tavros looked out the side window of the van and didn't recognize any of this scenery. Though, honestly, it was a lot of trees and rocks.“A surprise! An autumnal one!” Aradia, driving, glanced at him in the rearview and though he couldn't see it, the grin plastered on his face was obvious.“A real gol-damned humdinger of a surprise, to be honest! One set to blow your socks clean off your feet and through the floor.” Jake turned in the passenger seat, finger guns on full auto.“That sounds dangerous, for um… all parties involved. Namely, us.”





	Caves Don't Have Ramps

**Author's Note:**

  * For [escaflowery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/escaflowery/gifts).



“Uh… so where is it exactly that we're going right now?” Tavros looked out the side window of the van and didn't recognize any of this scenery. Though, honestly, it was a lot of trees and rocks.

“A surprise! An autumnal one!” Aradia, driving, glanced at him in the rearview and though he couldn't see it, the grin plastered on his face was obvious.

“A real gol-damned humdinger of a surprise, to be honest! One set to blow your socks clean off your feet and through the floor.” Jake turned in the passenger seat, finger guns on full auto.

“That sounds dangerous, for um… all parties involved. Namely, us.”

Fall was in full swing and Halloween was rapidly approaching. Winter was around the corner, so it was kind of a last hurrah for outdoor activities that didn't require a metric ton of outerwear, and wheelchair tires were pretty bad in the snow…

For a bit of needed background, there's Tavros. Tavros has two romantic partners. Aradia, who is in the driver's seat. A bit macabre and leaning on the side of spooky in terms of the fence separating the spooky and non-spooky lawnrings. They play roleplaying games together and she knows a lot about animals (dead ones, mostly, but enough knowledge carries over). “I fully intend to keep us alive, Tavros.”

In the passenger seat, emptying all shots from his finger guns in Tavros's direction, was Jake. A rough and rowdy boyfriend, who started out as a good friend with similar self image issues. And they grew closer together helping each other out. Plus he looked very cute in shorts. “Though, 'tis the season to die in a horrible accident and haunt the bejeezus out of some woods, to be quite honest.”

But it wasn't often that they all hung out together, and Tavros had been bringing it up a lot recently. And that's when it hit them. Well. It hit Aradia first, and she brought it up to Jake, and he loved the idea.

“Oh!” Tavros sat up straighter. “Fiduspawn Go! Are you uh, taking me to some Fiduspots? I was planning on going out tomorrow and hitting up a few while picking up a Fiduspawn Go Plus but, it would be great to make the rounds today, too. I mean. If that isn't where we are going, that is also fine! I don't want to presume.”

Aradia and Jake shared a quick glance. “Uh. Well.”

“They're adding some Gen 3 Spawns this weekend, it's a, uh, pretty big event, and you can get the good host plushes for cheap at Stops. And you can claim, uh, Oogonibombs at certain locations that, uh, have a high chance to hatch into a shiny Sucker.”

Aradia glanced in the rearview. “I mean.” The road beneath their wheels got a bit more… rustic.

Jake furrowed his brow. “I'm not saying there definitely isn't a Fidustop where we're headed.”

“Oh! Again, it's okay if there isn't. Sorry. Uh. I'm just really pumped as hell about buying the Plus. Yesterday fifty people bought my album, which is super exciting. I mean. It's because Dave Strider featured my main single on that uh, rap review video series thing he does where his comic characters listen to a track and uh… comment on it. And they, umm… called me Travis Niceboy, and said my lyrics were very ill. But not the good kind. But where you call in the 'donctor’ to give a ‘hot injectin of sweet mercy killing juice.’”

Jake grimaced. “Jesus. I'm sorry, Tavros.”

Aradia scowled and made a mental note to only give Dave the worst scavenged small animal skeletons the next time she saw him.

Tavros, though, was grinning. “Sorry for what? I sold fifty copies in a day. And, uh, a lot of the time when someone does something ironically they eventually realize they, well, have an underlying sincerity, I think. So. Either way, I got paid! Plus Dave Strider's whole thing is weird antagonizing jokiness on that site, but uh, in a week or two, some other site will probably say how wrong he is, and compliment my album on its honesty or... something. That is just how these things, uh. Go?”

Aradia eased the van to a stop. “Well, great! And we're here!” She popped open her door and started to head around to open the rear sliding door and get the wheelchair lift started up.

Tavros squinted at their surroundings through the window. It was more trees and rocks. Which was fine! They just didn't seem particularly notable. And his phone informed him that there weren't any new Fiduspawn around. Just a few insect types and ichor types. He was hoping to at least spot a Woodevil or a Dirturtle. “Where is here? Or, uh. What is here may be a more accurate question…?”

Jake was out of the van and hefting a big backpack. He jabbed a finger at a nearby rocky area. Oh that was actually… “A cave!”

“A cave?”

Aradia got the lift into position and Tavros wheeled his way onto it with slight trepidation. “A cave!”

Jake chimed in with a wink. “Spelunkery of the highest order.”

Aradia operated the lift. “Well. It's actually of a pretty low order. This will be Tavros's first caving adventure, so I picked out a nice easy one. It even has a website.”

Tavros wheeled off the lift and leaves crunched under his tires. “Now. I don't want to precipitate on any parades, or uh. Come off as ungrateful, because I'm sure you both planned this out a lot and umm… are both clearly very excited about the whole idea but generally speaking. And again, sorry if this sets a negative tone. Does this cave have ramps? Or an elevator maybe?”

“Ramps?” It didn't quite hit Jake yet.

It didn't hit Aradia either. “An odd question for a cave. The website didn't mention but I would assume no.”

“So, uh. Again, I really don't want to seem like I'm shitting on any plans here. How am I supposed to participate in this spelunking event, exactly?”

The realization hit them both, several weeks too late.

Jake stammered, searching for an answer. “We. Well. This really is a brainbender of a conundrum, isn't it? I'll carry you!”

Tavros sighed. Aradia was behind him, helpfully pushing the chair with implied permission since he has trouble on this kind of terrain. “Let me just… stop you there. Do you remember two weeks ago when I slept weird… and my left horn somehow got, uh, severely wedged inside my recuperacoon, and in my efforts to get out, I knocked my wheelchair down the ramp, and you had to help me out of the slime?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“Well, I dropped you. Which was a bungling boner I feel terrible about!”

Aradia jolted the chair as she suddenly stopped, almost dumping Tavros out onto the ground. “You dropped him?”

Jake frowned deeply. “To be fair, he was incredibly slippery!”

Tavros held up both hands. “Aradia, I was fine. Jake, there's no uh, need to beat yourself up over it. I only bring it up because, um. That was a small fall onto a platform. If something were to… occur in the cave in a similar vein, it could be a more dire… situation.”

Aradia started to speak but Tavros was not finished.

“Yes. I know you are very strong, Aradia, and you two could carry me and the chair. But what if there is a spot the chair can't reaaonably… fit through? Or one of you slips? I uh. Don't know much about caving, only what I saw in human horror movie The Descent. But caves seem pretty dangerous.”

Jake huffed, but just slightly. “You only saw a third of The Descent. Then you got too anxious.”

Tavros huffed in return. “That third had all the bad cave stuff happen, though!”

Aradia's brows raised. “So you didn't even see the monsters?”

Tavros blanched slightly. “There were monsters?” Both his partners had to stifle a laugh, resorting in a strained snort in stereo. “Look. It was scary, okay? You both are, um. Very into the whole caving experience and a lot of things can go… very wrong, very fast. Like in the first third of… human horror movie The Descent. And I realize maybe I'm being a silly grub, uh, about being spooked heavily, but mainly I'm very frightened that these very umm, well, plausible horrors. Like falling, or equipment failure, or rocks shifting, could happen to either of you. And you are very important to me. So, yes. I am scared of human horror movie The Descent, and I am also scared of, uh, you two doing something very stupid like trying to navigate… a cave while carrying me, or worse, uh, me and a bulky wheelchair. Even if this cave is relatively safe. I have some experience with falling and injuries, and ummm, I would just prefer to not have anything happen to either of you. But also, I do not want to ruin a fun idea, so… let's go in this cave and go in as far as is reasonably doable. And… that can be my first caving experience and it will, still count as a fun three-way friends slash relationships date activity. Okay?”

They are at the cave entrance and the mood had changed to sober, but not somber. Aradia nodded. “Jake, stay here with Tavros for a second while I peek in and get a general feel for the entrance.” She grabbed a flashlight and disappeared into the cave mouth. A minute later, she reappeared, with a weird smile on her face.

“So. The good news is, the first part of the cave is incredibly accessible! Big and flat and perfect for our secret plan of having a cave picnic. The bad news is, it is immediately too narrow to proceed after the entrance area. So… that is as far as we are going.”

Jake got behind Tavros's chair and hugged him from behind, and then popped the front wheels up a small bump. Once they were all in, supplies began getting unpacked by flashlight. A nice lantern was the first order of business, then a blanket, and finally a few plastic boxes of food. “I whipped up some sandwiches. A whole rumpus of fruits to pick from. My special blend of premium spelunking trail mix. I even made some cookies. After all, baking is in my blood. Somewhere, I reckon.”

Aradia was helping Tavros down onto the blanket. The cave portion they were in was honestly a bit drab. No water features or stalagmites, or stalactites for that matter. No strange carvings or glyphs. At least the lantern light made it pretty.

“Now that we're a bit more… settled. I did want to thank you both for, uh, well, getting this all set up and picking an activity. I know I keep bringing up that we should all do a thing and all, but. I guess I'm not too good at taking charge… sometimes, ironically enough. Because, you know, Team Charge… and also the bull horns thing. Which I guess, I mean, that goes into why we picked that name back in the day. Wow, I am way off track here. Anyway. I appreciate it, and I am glad we're here, doing this. Uh, and the sandwiches are good. And I like you both a lot.”

“Good. We like you a lot too. I say, speaking for Jake as well for some reason!” Aradia skipped straight to dessert and grabbed a cookie. “Oh! I have an idea, actually.” She pulled her phone out and held it up. She had bars! Reception! “This cave is pretty easy and well known. So even if we aren't going deeper in, a lot of other people have. Let's look at pictures they uploaded!” She moved so that Tavros was between her and Jake and paged through a gallery, but not before planting a kiss on Tavros's cheek. “And maybe I can find somewhere a bit more wheelchair friendly to explore next time.”

Caving? Honestly. It was a bit of a bust. A poorly thought out plan with the best of intentions. But Tavros was getting to have a good lunch with his matesprit and his boyfriend. Together, sharing their interests and their feelings. The air was cool but everything else was warm. It was a good cave date.

And tomorrow was Fiduspawn.


End file.
